VISUAL KEI ROCK STAR – Shiree McCarver – www.shireemccarver.com
Bishounen is a boy with a pretty face. Visual-kei – is the desire to appear as androgynous and bishounen-beautiful as possible while expressing yourself with most profound music you have ever heard...
Love doesn’t always appear in convenient forms, cultures, or times we would like them to. But when it happen do we cast them aside because of others may think? What if that chance never comes again?
When her tears save him from a certain death...he begins to live for her.
This is the making of a Visual-Kei Rock Star...
Ambitious African American Sadie Bank has one desire—to become the best professional dancer and choreographer in her field. But sometimes destiny has other plans...
Japanese music protégé Subaru Chouda was born a beautiful and gifted child with a musical soul too sensitive for the life he was born into. The youngest son of a troubled promiscuous mother and a forced absentee father spirals him into a deep dark depression that nearly steals him from this earth until...Sadie.
Visual-Kei Rock Star is a tale that expands a decade. Over this expansion of time these two most unlikely to be friends become lovers drawn together by a force stronger than age or racial differences.
Through opposing forces a dancer realizes there is more to living by looking at life through the eyes of a beautiful young Japanese man. Through his love for her a Visual-Kei Rock Star emerges ready to take on the world to keep her by his side.
Which side of love will you stand on?
What Rock Music had brought together...Let no man or woman tear apart.
Sample Chapters –
PROLOGUE
Spring 2009
Groggy and disoriented, Sadie lifted a hand to the horrible aching over her right eye and winced. Her fingers came away smeared with blood.
She struggled to focus; dumbfounded to find herself sitting in front of the steering wheel of a car she didn’t remember getting in. There was a gear shift. This wasn’t her car.
She groaned from pain in her head as she tried to look out into the darkness to get an idea of where she was and what she had struck. Her vision blurred and she felt a wave of nausea seize her. Her head lolled back against the headrest of the bucket seat as if she had no bones left in her neck.
For a brief moment she thought she heard something, someone’s moaning floating in the wind. Maybe it was her moaning and she just thought in her current state it was someone else’s. She had never felt such pain before. It was as if something in her skull imploded.
“Help me,” she whimpered and the sound of her own voice ricocheted in abrasive echoing sounds. This time when the nausea hit, the contents of her stomach ended on the expensive leather interior and carpeting of the car and for the first time she realized she reeked of alcohol. How? She wouldn’t drink and try to drive.
She’d gotten a message to meet...no, she called someone. Who the hell was she suppose to meet? God, her head was killing her. Where was her mobile phone?
Her vision wavered again and she blinked several times, felt the tears flow, then finally after a fashion her vision focused somewhat. She was looking up at the car’s overhead light. With a shaking hand, she reached up to turn it on so she could see if her purse was in the car somewhere. The glaring light blinded her and she screamed, placing her palm over it, dry heaving for her stomach was now empty and she hurriedly flipped it back off.
Blindly, she felt around the seat and floorboard of the passenger side. It was a two-seater, a sports number of some sort and there was something vaguely familiar about it as if she’d ridden in it before. Maybe she had, but why would she be driving? It didn’t make any sense.
She felt nothing and proceeded to do the same, recoiling when her fingers came in contact with her own smelly vomit. She tried the car door and found it wouldn’t open wide enough for her to squeeze through. It was too close to a brick wall.
Where am I?
She felt around the dashboard, tugging and turning the knobs on the dash until she found what she was looking for. The front headlights of the car popped on. It was then her glazed-eyed stare saw a horrifying sight.
The woman with her beautiful long black hair tangled about her slumped bloody form. Her eyes were open, vacant and accusing.
What had she done? Sadie, too horrified to scream, slumped over into the passenger seat welcoming the darkness that swallowed her up.
“That roadie probably got distracted and didn’t tell my brother we were in here waiting for him,” Minako grumbled after ten minutes had passed. The cell phone she held in her hand sounded. She looked down at it and silently read the text message.
“George?” Sadie asked.
“Yeah, he is out front at the door. They won’t let him in without a pass,” Minako released a long sigh.
“You go ahead and take care of the George situation and I’ll wait here for Subaru,” Sadie suggested.
“You sure you’re okay in here? Most of the guys don’t speak English that well,” Minako looked about the spacious room where some were applying stage makeup, meditating, going through sheet music, smoking and conversing quietly amongst themselves.
“I’m fine until I get enough of the cigarette smoke. Then I’ll move my ass outside the door. After all this is their space we’re invading. Besides, this is our normal element. It’s all good.”
“Okay, I’ll call you on the cell if I need you to have Subaru come to the front if security gives me a hard time,” Minako explained.
“Will do,” Sadie said. “I’m sure Subaru will be here shortly.”
“I’ll be right back and while I’m gone why don’t you try and find a date for New Years Eve?” The other woman said and hurried out the opened door of the dressing room.
“Mind ya business, and go already!” Sadie laughingly shook her head, shooing her away with her hands.
Sadie walked over to one of the long mirrors and her reflection stared back at her, with a full view of the entrance, so she could still see Subaru when he arrived or if he walked past just in case the roadie hadn’t found him to deliver the message as Minako had suspected.
She wore the latest Folk Fashion made up of a colorful gypsy wide-tail patchwork skirt, a black vintage “Death to Disco” t-shirt, topped off with a red fringed poncho and a pair of black thick-soled laced-up combat boots. It was while fingering her med-length corkscrew honey brown curls she caught a studious reflection in the mirror of a very handsome young man staring at her. It must be one of the band members waiting on the mirror.
“I...I’m sorry, would you like to use the mirror?” She asked. Their eyes met in the mirror and her pulse raced with a sense of déjà vu.
“Kurikuri me, round eyes, you still look just like you did six years ago.” His deep masculine voice spoke softly. “Hatachi nimo mieani noni. You don’t look a day older than twenty.”
Her chin dropped. “It can’t be.” She whispered and managed to swallow. Her mouth had gone as dry as the Nevada desert. “Subu?”
He chuckled softly a sheepish grin on his lips. “You’re the only one who’s ever called me that.”
“It...It seemed to fit when you were a kid, but now I’m not so sure.” Sadie froze and gawked.
Sadie wasn’t sure what she expected. She suppose she expected something remnant of the fourteen-year-old boy she saw six years ago at one of Minako’s family function. Subaru was always small for his age, but his adorability made up for what he lacked in stature even as a teen, so her expectations had been no more than what it had been when she saw him last.
She never would have imagined that a boy could change so much in six years. This was definitely not the somewhat shy puny fourteen-year-old boy who wore glasses and braces that she remembered. He looked as though he had stepped out of Asian Style Magazine.
Subaru’s shoulder length hair was pulled back and secured at the nape of his neck. His hands were strong with defined veins settled atop, long fingers and clean shortly clipped nails. He had wonderful hands that held the gift of creating extraordinarily good music. He wore a white open collared shirt beneath a button down black vest, and black jeans tucked into laced knee boots with silver buckled ornamental designs up the front.
Further search showed medium sized silver loops adorned each ear, black kohl lined Asian eyes, and the most divine nose and lips she’d ever seen on a man. Eyeglasses were gone. Braces on his teeth were gone. He had pretty features defined by a jaw line and mysterious unreadable aura like Johnny Depp and a body that cried “lean and buffed for personal pleasure,” all six feet of him.
All in all, he was androgynous in facial features but his self-asserting masculine stance told the truth of his sex, not to mention the outlined bulge in those tight black jeans. He shoved his linen shirtsleeves up to the elbow, revealing defined tattooed forearms. Sadie’s felt a tugging from her belly to her pussy.
“Is that all you have for me after six years, Kurikuri me? If my memory serves, you were a hugger and since living in Japan I miss that,” he boldly admitted. “Where is my nee-chan, older sister?”
He walked closer and she turned away from watching him in the mirror to seeing him standing there before her in the flesh. He was real. Of course he was. She never would have imagined that little boy she knew would have grown up to look like this. Her eyes continued searching for some sign of the little boy she remembered.
“She went to the entrance to vouch for George. Security wouldn’t let him back here,” Sadie managed to piece together a coherent thought in her suddenly feeble lustful mind. She couldn’t stop looking at him. He was simply gorgeous.
“Chichi, Dad, told me he’s acceptable marriage material for my sister.” A closed lipped grin tugged at the corners of his sensual mouth. “Is this your opinion also, or do I need to intervene as her brother?”
Sadie eyes dropped to his mouth. Unwittingly, her tongue snaked out to moisten her lips. His roguish boyish grin widened and his eyes followed the movement of her tongue. She gasped at the twinkling mischief of his dark long-lashed eyes. Was he flirting with her? Surely not.
“I...I like George. I believe he’s perfect for Minako.” She cleared her throat and eased back a step as he invaded her space. “He’s the calmness to her melodramatic personality.”
“Why are you moving away from me?” His asked. “I’m trying to get my usual hug.”
Where had that sexy speaking voice come from? For a brief moment she wondered if Minako had set up some elaborate hoax that she would see on some television show. This couldn’t possibly be Subaru. Not with her feeling this way in her naughty bits.
“Err...Subu, the way I remembered it is you didn’t like being hugged by me anymore. The last time I saw you, you let me hug you once. It was when I first got to your family’s holiday home and after that, you side-stepped all my hugs for the remainder of your stay.” She arched her head back to look up into his face as he once again closed the space between them.
“It wasn’t the hugs I was avoiding,” he murmured.
“Then what was it?” Sadie licked her lips. “Me?”
“Un, yeah, kind of.” His face reddened. “Remember how short I was then?”
“Of course,” she laughed softly. “I used to be able to pull you into a bear-hug and my chin would rest on the top of your head and I would rock from side to side placing noisy kisses on your head. You hated when I was still able to do that and you were fourteen, but didn’t I tell you there was no reason to fret over the fact that you were shorter than the other girls in your class. A lot of boys don’t hit their growth spurt until they reach fourteen; yours just was running a bit slow.”
“It’s not the only thing that seems slow about me.”
“What does that suppose to mean?” Sadie asked. Her upper lids fluttered with curiosity.
“The reason I didn’t want you to hug me again that holiday we all were together is because that time you hugged me, your full breasts were against my cheek and you smelled so wonderful and warm. Some...something embarrassing happened to my body. It was the first time it had happened while I was fully awake.”
“Ah, I see,” Sadie nodded, trying her best not to giggle and embarrass him more. “I suppose you know now that something like that happening is as normal as your growth spurt, right?”
“Un, yeah, but at fourteen, I felt like an alien in my own body. I was scared to death that you would, you know, feel it.”
“Well I didn’t and if I did, I would have pretended otherwise.” She playfully knuckled his squared jaw in a teasing punch. “I’m sure you don’t have to worry about having that reaction anymore. You’re older now. Besides, I know you think of me as another older sister.”
“Of course. A sister.” Subaru assured her, clearing his throat. His eyes skidded to the right avoiding a direct stare altogether.
Sadie reflected on the sudden tension she felt coming from him. “Subu, you’ve grown into a very handsome man and I know I emailed you and told you how proud I am of you. You’ve managed to finish your schooling while playing and travelling in a band and I know it couldn’t have been easy to earn your degree in such a situation.”
“I promised my Dad if he would allow me free reins—well, as much freedom that I could have for Mother was always there to watch over me—I would keep my word and finish school no matter what.” His eyes met hers. “Arigatou, thank you, Sadie-chan,” he said solemnly.
“It was your encouragement that helped me when I wanted nothing more than to give up learning how to not only be a good musician but learning the business side and how to compose my thoughts into music notes on paper.”
“I made a promise to a quiet, and way too reserved for his age eleven year old boy, that I would always be there for him when no one else was.” She touched and squeezed his shoulder with a reassuring hand. “I know how important it is to be an adult that keeps their word. Especially when so many have let you down before.”
“You saved me, Sadie-chan and you never told a soul what I did. Not even my sister.” He reached out and clutched at her hand. “It means a lot to me that no matter where you are or how busy you are with your career, you never missed emailing me back or returning my calls.”
“Or sending you Birthday and Christmas gifts,” she said with a significant lifting of her brows.
The warmth of his smile echoed in his voice. “Yes, you never missed a gift giving occasion,” he nodded. “You could have saved some money if you hadn’t bothered to save me.”
“Don’t even joke about it, Subu,” she chided. Her smile faded at the memory.
It was something she had pushed to the back of her mind. Even now she didn’t want to think or speak of it. She was just happy at the thought that she went with her instincts and decided to give up going out with Minako and stay in with a kid she hardly knew at that time. When he quietly and properly introduced himself with a stiff bow, she caught the expression in his currant-black eyes. They seemed to plead for friendship. She knew that look well. She’d seen it in her own eyes many times after moving from the only small town she ever lived in to her aunt’s home in California after her granny died.
“Gomen nasai, I’m sorry.” Subaru touched her cheek; her skin was warm beneath his fingertips. “I don’t mean to bring you down.”
She nuzzled against his callused hand and with a voice full of concern said, “Subaru, if something is bothering you, you would share it with me wouldn’t you? You do know no matter how old you get, I am always here for you.”
A strange, faintly eager look flashed in his eyes. “There is something I do need your help with, but I won’t tell you until I get my hug!” Subaru laughingly grabbed her by the wrist and drew her against him wrapping his long arms about her in a bosoming embrace. She felt her feet leave the ground causing a schoolgirlish squeal to leave her lips. She laughingly held on to him.
“Subu, c’mon now, let me down. People are staring,” she quietly hissed at him.
“Just the band. No worries.”
“Still,” she laughed. “Put me down. I want you to tell me what I can help you with. I take it you don’t want your parents to know?”
His hands were on her hips lifting her higher as if they were in the midst of a dance move. Sadie’s breathing became heavy as Subaru let her slide slowly down the length of him until they stood toe to toe. She was fully aware of the erection as she slid down. She could see by the redness of his ears that he was aware that she was aware and as she promised, she pretended she felt nothing and took a step back brushing his hands from her hips.
“You’re right. I think I will have to ask you to keep yet another secret between us,” he replied.
It took Sadie a moment to realize he was answering her question. She was completely floored that this magnificent specimen of a man was “Little Subu.” Definitely not little anymore or from what she felt anywhere on that delicious body.
He had changed so much; not only physically but there was this awareness of his masculinity, his attractiveness and his appeal to women. She was sure being a musician had a lot to do with the change, but she was more curious to how much Riya Matsuda had to do with Subaru’s change. Were they lovers? Over the years he had mentioned dating someone a time or two, only to have it nixed by his record label when it got too serious.
She dropped her eyes from the curiosity she saw in his as if he was searching for the answer to a question he had yet to ask. She feared Subaru would see how physically attracted she was of him. It was embarrassing. He was her best friend’s little brother and now that he was older, a close confident too. Even if she could get completely pass the protective nurturing feelings she had for him, it wouldn’t alter the fact that she would be ten years older than he was in two months time.
Sadie sadly felt she had no right to think of him as a grown man, or to savor the imprint his body seemed to leave on her flesh and her calm sanctity. Stop this Sadie. Her common sense must remain a viable factor. Shit. Minako was right about her coming out of her self-imposed celibacy period. She needed sex. If she had a lover, she would not be having these thoughts about this man-child standing in her personal space.
“Alright, I won’t tell anyone.” She nodded. “Tell me what’s going on?”
“I need you.” He frowned and looked away. His fingers intertwined with hers. “I will understand if you say no, but I don’t know who else to turn to. I hope that you won’t be too offended by what I’m going to ask you to do.”
Now she was concerned. Minako said their mother told her something was bothering Subaru and she imagined his behavior of late had something to do with this conversation. She just prayed whatever trouble he was in, it wasn’t too serious. Still, whatever it was, it was serious enough he didn’t feel he could turn to his family to ask.”
“Subu, I am here for you,” she assured him. “Just say it already.”
“Sadie-chan, will you--”
“Shiyōze asobō! C’mon, Guys, time to party!” A voice called out from the doorway. “It’s show time. Let’s go...let’s go! And Subaru, Riya-san wants you to do your newest solo tonight to close the show.”
“Why tonight when she was against it all the others?” He frowned. “Is it that she wants it or is she trying to sell a new song to the American record executive bastard she was drinking with at the bar?”
“Go ask her.” The other man shrugged. “I’m just the messenger.”
Subaru curses softly. “Sumimasen, excuse me, Sadie-chan, time for work.”
“Is this how you feel about performing now?”
“What?”
“Like it’s just a job?”
“It is a job like any other,” he looked away.
“It’s not how you use to feel when you had your own band and it was your talent in the limelight not Riya’s.”
He remained quiet a moment and when he spoke again he said, “You and my sister have reserved seats. There should be an extra there for George. We will talk more. Riya is waiting for me.”
“Subaru, she can wait!” She grabbed his hand and held it. “You can’t leave me like this. What were you going to say before we were interrupted? Tell me what’s going on?”
“I don’t think telling you right at this moment is going to help my cause,” Subaru murmured.
“Huh?” Sadie blinked a few times.
“I need a more private setting, Sadie-chan.”
“Oh for goodness sakes, just say it!”
“It...It’s not just something you blurt out on the run, Sadie-chan,” Subaru said.
“Try,” she countered.
“Subaru!” They both turned to look at the door “Riya-san needs you on stage now!” He spoke with a heavy accent.
“Tell her I’m coming!” Subaru shouted.
“What you want me to do? She told me to bring you back with me and you know how she is.”
“Tell her I’ve waited on her and now for once she can return the favor!” Subaru noticed the surprise in Sadie’s eyes, and spoke again this time in a calmer tone. “Gomen,” he apologized with a contrite bow of his dark head. “Tell her to give me five minutes and if she can’t than tell Youya he can do the first set for me, ne?”
The other man looked between Subaru and Sadie and down at their clasped hands. Sadie quickly released his hand. She didn’t want to be the cause of any rumors that could make things difficult for Subaru. He could be involved with the star of the show and if so she didn’t want to be the cause of a spat between them when she hadn’t even met the woman. Subaru was special to her and she wanted to get along with whomever he chose to share his life with.
“Go,” she urged softly.
His dark eyes raked over her face before he looked over at the other man. “Go ahead, I’m right behind you.”
The man nodded and they were alone again.
“Sadie-chan, I care very much for Riya, but she is older than me and used to more experienced men,” he stated earnestly. “I feel as if I can’t compete and my lack of experience in these matters makes me clumsy and because I lack confidence I can’t go to her and declare my feelings for her.”
She stood there, blank, amazed and very disappointed that Minako’s assumption of her brother’s feelings for the singer Riya was correct. She felt as if her emotions were contradicting the calmness she was exuding. She couldn’t deny there was an abhorrent feeling of jealousy. A jealousy she had no right to.
“I need your help,” Subaru said. “I need you to teach me how to please a woman.”
Sadie stared wordlessly at him, her heart pounding.
“Subaru, do you know what you’re asking?”
“Are you a virgin too?”
“No, but do realize why I would be the wrong person to do this for you?” she said. The breathlessness in her voice made it sound as if it belonged to someone else. “Don’t you?”
“I’ve never even had my first kiss yet,” he confessed. “You know how special that is. It’s not that I didn’t have opportunities; it’s just as long as I feel as if I will be bad at it the more scared I am to try it. I know with you I will be comfortable and you are the most patient woman I know...”
“Subu, I don’t know,” she shook her head.
“You were the first girl to become my friend. You were the first to teach me how to dance. Why can’t you be the first to teach me how to be a man?”
Oh the more he talked the wiser he sounded, but that’s because secretly she was thrilled at the thought of teaching him the pleasure, to see the stirring of passion in his eyes, to see the first throes of agonizing ecstasy on his handsome face when he ejaculated from her touch. It was too tempting for words.
“I got to go. Just think about it. Please!” His eyes met hers despairingly and to her surprise he leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers. His eyes open, hers eyes wide in shock. The kiss was chaste and dry, but his lips were unbelievably soft. “See,” he straightened. His top lips thinned into smile. “Just being with you makes me feel brave enough to at least try. It has to be you Sadie-chan.”
With that he turned on his heels and jogged out the door.
Sadie touched her fingers to her mouth. She could still feel the warm childlike sweetness of his given first kiss; hers and Subaru’s first kiss.
Oddly enough she felt as stupefied as she did the first time she was kissed while standing in the doorway of Mrs. Brown sixth grade classroom on the last day of school with a mouth full of bubblegum. Her first kiss had been stolen by the bully of the classroom and he was the first boy to make her cry when she found out he did it only to win a bet he made with other boys in the classroom. She had been thankful it was the last day of school and at the end of summer when she started school again she would be attending separate Junior High Schools and she would never have to see him again.
She also had her innocence stolen from her from a boy she thought she trusted because she had known him almost three years before they started dating. He was nice, went to her Aunt’s church, and she went out with him because of her Aunt’s blessing. She should have been suspicious when her aunt had become so attentive and motherly for the first time since she had arrived into her care.
Sadie eyes closed willing the haunting thoughts to subside. This was not the time or place for her to dwell in the past. She was no longer that person and she had a good like taking care of herself.
As Sadie slowly made her way out of the dressing room a smile lingered on her closed lips. This beautiful young man was offering her a do over. He was unknowingly giving her a chance to experience her firsts over again vicariously through him. Could she? Dare she? What if it ruined what they had now? The scoundrel did leave her with much to think about.
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